I’ve been that way for the past three weeks. We’re struggling with a particular issue, and because I’m so focused on trying to deal with it, my thoughts and my words – and even my sleep – are consumed by it.
I know it’s not healthy. I know it’s not right. I know. I know. I know.
Yet, I can’t seem to stop, because the issue isn’t yet resolved.
Am I the only one with this problem? Of course not. But at times, it sure seems like I am. It’s those times when I want to stand up, pitch a temper tantrum, and shout the roof off, “Somebody, please HELP make this problem go away!”
This tunnel vision makes me do stupid things – say things or write things that I second-guess myself on later. For example, I wrote something to a group earlier this week, and have beat myself up over it ever since, feeling a silent judgment of my post. No one said anything – I just feel the condemnation coming through cyberspace. (See, my so-focused-brain isn’t even rational at times!) I’ve pondered whether the Holy Spirit is convicting me of saying something wrong and yet tried to justify it, by arguing that I was just stating the truth. Yes, I was truthful. But I probably shouldn’t have written what I did because my focus was too tight. Too focused inward. Too focused personally. And yet, even as I write that, I question myself. “If I’m not focused on this problem, how else will it get resolved?”
I’m still a work in progress. God’s not finished with me yet.
This tunnel vision also hinders my work. It causes me to be overwhelmed with the problem, which keeps me from moving forward, onto other things. Instead, I dwell in the problem, wrestling round and round with it – not resolving it, but not accomplishing anything else either.
Now I’m behind, and that creates its own set of problems.
Today, I must change focus. I must drag myself out of this week’s quicksand and stand on Solid Rock. I do that by changing my focus from my problems to God’s Word, which tells me He’s bigger than my problems.
Jeremiah 32:27 says, “Look, I am Yahweh, the God of all flesh. Is anything too difficult for Me?”
Have you ever struggled with something like this?
Are you going through it now? May I pray for you?